Kid Tips:
Something You Can Sink Your Teeth Into—understanding why toddlers bite, with tips for redirecting behavior and learning healthy communication
When my daughter was a toddler, her teacher told us
of an incident in the classroom one day. All five children in the group, ages
18 months-2 1/2 years, had lined up a row of chairs side by side, with each
child occupying one chair. They were playing quite nicely and calmly, when, for
no discernible reason, the child at one end of the row bit my daughter, who was
in the second chair, on the arm. My daughter then turned and bit the child in
the third chair, who bit the child in the fourth, who bit the child in the
fifth, who turned, then, seeing no one else to bite, began to cry. This entire
sequence of events took a matter of seconds, quickly enough that, by the time
the teacher realized what was happening, they had already passed the bite down
the line. When the teacher told us this story, she was a little concerned that
we would be worried or upset that our child had been bitten (and was biting).
On the contrary, we were rather amused by the incident (since no skin was
broken or bruises were left), and it has become a favorite example for me about
the nature of biting in young children.
The overwhelming majority of biting incidents in
toddlers is a reflection of a perfectly normal, albeit painful, developmental
progression. Children who have not yet developed sufficient language skills to
express their feelings and desires will find other outlets, and for many
children, this outlet will be with their teeth (though not all children
bite—some will become vocally very expressive, even if it is not possible to
understand what they are saying, while others may use tantrums). Young children
are still generally orally focused, as their mouths are the source of the
pleasure of food combined with the pain of teething. If we understand it as a
normal developmental pattern, it is easier to calmly strategize ways to address
the behavior.
· If you
have the opportunity to observe your child in a group setting, notice the
circumstances of any biting incidents you may see. Does the biting seem to be
connected to a particular emotional state, such as anger or frustration, or
does it occur over a range of conditions?
One young child in my care was an avid biter, but very rarely bit in
anger or aggression. One of his frequent “targets” was another little boy who
was one of his favorite playmates. Every time this playmate arrived, the child
would run up to him, give him an excited hug, then bite him on the shoulder.
His joy at seeing his friend was so profound that he had no other way to
express his intense pleasure.
· The
disciplinary response needs to be immediate, but measured and calm. Remove the
child from the immediate situation, provide a simple, firm explanation that
biting is not acceptable, then suggest and demonstrate a more positive
response. Be sure to communicate with your child’s teacher or caregiver to make
sure you are both responding in a similar manner.
· Offer a variety
of textured foods, and notice if the biting subsides or intensifies after
particular types of foods. For example, many children will lessen their biting
response when they are offered a wider variety of “crunchy” foods (such as
carrots or crackers) that enable them to fill a sensory need for intense oral
activity.
· One simple
technique that can be very effective is to have available a wash cloth or small
blanket that the child can “chomp” in place of another person’s arm. Pacifiers
are not good for this purpose, as
they encourage sucking, not teething, and can seriously inhibit the development
of language skills that will ultimately make biting unnecessary.
· Be aware,
however, that if biting behavior continues after your child has developed a
sufficient vocabulary, this may be a sign of a more significant behavioral
issue or physical problem. In either case, consult with your pediatrician or
teacher/caregiver for advice.
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